One big chemical reaction.
People run from rain but
sit
in bathtubs full of
water.
Charles Bukowski (via bittersweetsongs)

Wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead. “Oohh isn’t it funny that a person will eat when they’re hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face”

(via coolestpriest)
Joke of the day.

drtanner-sfw:

wanderoar:

roseonabeach:

frostedsammy:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, 「Can you all see me now?」

「Yes.」
「Oui.」
「Sí.」
「Ja.」

what

Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this

stupidest/most awesome joke ever

Alright, I grinned a little bit.

melsayshello:

Ross & Arin shoot a dude in the pee pee (x)

hungarian:

if i worked at a sperm bank, every time some guy walked in i’d say things like get a load of this guy

fuocogo:

sharkchunks:

fennecwolfox:

oeste:

misterhippity:

I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.
So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.

i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled
so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god

I tried using stone, but it cracked and broke.
Now I just scream everything at passersby, hoping they’ll remember what I said so I can ask them about it when I need it.

I tried shouting things at passersby but they ignored me.
Now I emit allohormones in a gypsobelum that bonds selectively with the recipient’s hemolymph to reconfigure their bursa copulax into a copulatory canal. I can only say one thing, “I want to mate with you,” but really, what else ever needs to be said?

i tried whatever that was and it worked just fine 10/10

fuocogo:

sharkchunks:

fennecwolfox:

oeste:

misterhippity:

I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.

So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.

i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled

so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god

I tried using stone, but it cracked and broke.

Now I just scream everything at passersby, hoping they’ll remember what I said so I can ask them about it when I need it.

I tried shouting things at passersby but they ignored me.

Now I emit allohormones in a gypsobelum that bonds selectively with the recipient’s hemolymph to reconfigure their bursa copulax into a copulatory canal. I can only say one thing, “I want to mate with you,” but really, what else ever needs to be said?

i tried whatever that was and it worked just fine 10/10

heykittysweety:

Sports Balls Replaced With Cats Sports? Good! Cats? Good! Sports + cats = good? http://healthyliving.tinycontentbytes.me/sports-balls-replaced-with-cats

heykittysweety:

Sports Balls Replaced With Cats Sports? Good! Cats? Good! Sports + cats = good? http://healthyliving.tinycontentbytes.me/sports-balls-replaced-with-cats

nazerine:

excessivecompulsive:

nazerine:

the anti vaccination movement basically consists of random people with no knowledge of medicine going “I can medicine better than doctors” and it would be hilarious if it wasn’t literally killing people

you dont need vaccines, I havent had any and Im still doing great

wow, what a compelling argument. you’ve got me

teaspoon900:

redneckotaku:

will2bill:

paarthurnax-forever:

garethbyrd:

the-shortest-sunflower:

evening, sir.

MOONSTACHE

I just had to reblog. because moonstache

This need a Moonacle.

This is how Batman signals for Alfred…

You just made my day

teaspoon900:

redneckotaku:

will2bill:

paarthurnax-forever:

garethbyrd:

the-shortest-sunflower:

evening, sir.

MOONSTACHE

I just had to reblog. because moonstache

This need a Moonacle.

This is how Batman signals for Alfred…

You just made my day

School
Class: 1+1=2
Homework: 2x5=10
Test: If Greg has 6 apples and eats one, calculate the sun's mass.

nonomella:

I made this powerpoint for this week’s lesson - Regional/Iconic American Foods. I went back through and replaced all the text with my student’s reactions.

Cookies img source

transtrends:

I DIDNT KNOW SKYPE SAVED ALL YOUR PAST ICONS AS “PICTURE OF ME” IM GONNA CRY

transtrends:

I DIDNT KNOW SKYPE SAVED ALL YOUR PAST ICONS AS “PICTURE OF ME” IM GONNA CRY

metrobussy:

when u boutta prove a bitch how wrong they are

image

paleredsunday:

Write this on my tombstone

paleredsunday:

Write this on my tombstone

nakedly:

you are not fat
you have fat 
you also have fingernails 
you are not fingernail 

bitch-about-it:

My sister forgot how to say “turn up the volume” so she said “zoom in on the sound”